Welcome Dear Acolyte and Bless You! Today I will discuss The Mysteries of the 11th and 12th Grades. Unlike some of you educated scholars, during the 11th and 12th grade, I was not not in study hall (or even in the hall itself, rattling my locker) or gigging a toad, or boning up on this or that, or passing notes back and forth, and making spitballs. no. I was workin, grabbing scalding hot bagels, freshly boiled in the kestle, and flipping them onto boards. Trusted, that I was, I worked that kestle! Boil em too long and they turned out huge and puffy, no hole at all, and what is a bagel with no hole? Boil em too short and they're hard and small and would break you teeth. I was responsible and took my job seriously, I made a good bagel! If you were a hippy, you got free bagels. It drove the boss crazy! ("Hey!, you're giving away all my bagels!" Not just one bagel, mind you, they'd get a whole string of em, in those days we'd put em on a loop of white cotton string.
We'd deliver the bagels in an old Ford Van with a ratty clutch. Every time the clutch made the van lurch, which it did often, the old man would say: "Hold er, Newt, she's headed for the barn!" Ha ha ha ha ha ha, funny!
Thinking back in life, I realize that, in a sense, we're all "headed for the barn" Yes, life can be rough, and when I'd wave to the pretty girls walking by the bagel factory (with my bright red, scalded hands), headed for the 11th or 12th grade (where I should have been!), I'd ponder. Do I go for the safety and ease of the barn or do I LEAP THE FENCE. Well, I did leap that fence and never looked back! Bless you! From the desk of The Exalted One
From the Desk of The Exulted One, for the instruction and Blessing of the Acolyte, Bless you! Welcome Acolyte!, You have made a wonderful decision, to join with us at the Church of the Blue Moon (Redemption not assured). Bless you! As your leader, The Exulted One, I have a great responsibility to impart the wisdom learned from the hard lessons of my life as an Aimless Wanderer, bagel flipper with red, scalded hands, and my insights into the mysteries of the 11th and 12th grades. Your road will be hard and long, and you may be beset with doubts as I was, fear not. My guiding fingers, er, hands will point the way of becoming a Seeker, for then you may Find! I learned from that large bird in that dismal parking lot so many years ago, An aggressive bird that gave me the clear message: BACK OFF! Do not back ye off from the fruitful bounty of life, NO! Back off to a safe distance and observe. That day I walked away with my own tasty bag of greasy fries (thank you bird) Bless you! Watch, learn, observe! and never look back!Blessings now and always! The Exulted One
Lone Camel of the Desert Lesson number one, Dear Acolyte: Never trust a camel! Noble beast the camel is, you must never turn your back on the creature. It seems to inflame them with passion and perhaps resentment. The Camel is a passionate animal and has it's own ways which must be respected. Foolish youth that I was, I misunderestimated that passion and payed the price. Biologist may say this or that about the camel, but to me, the camels acts, no less, then like a rotten teenager! Watching, waiting for the first opportunity for malicious mischief. The cunning, passionate animal strikes the first second you let you guard down! Oh boy, that camel nailed me a good one. Face down, I was, in a heap of dung, kicked and spat upon. The worse part is the mocking, pitiless leer while you are upon the ground, wiping yourself off and checking for broken bones. Nothing can express contempt like a camel! Heard enough you say? No!, at the last, the camel plays victim like a Hollywood actor, sulking and kicking up clods with big, sad eyes. It is almost too much to endure.
Why then, Exulted One? Dear Acolyte, you have every right to ask how the camel became pillar of the Church of the Blue Moon. Even I wizened by the trials of life on this earthly plane have struggled with this issue and plunged into the depths of My very soul for an answer. Answers sometimes come reluctantly and in their own good time, so it was with me. Lying on my cot, bruised and beaten as I was from the onslaught of the Mighty Camel of the Desert, I drifted into a fitful and restless sleep. Upon awaking, I looked up to the textured ceiling, scanning for the inevitable venomous spider known in that local. No spider, ah, I thought, one less thing.... Then, I noticed it! The camel! in the texture and shadows of the cracked ceiling, starring down, the beady eyes of the very camel that put me down like a bug. With a look on its wicked camel face like a teen that wanted the car and was going to get it. I knew my goose was cooked! I was silent with fear but got the message and camel got the keys to the Church. Mercifully, sleep took hold again and delivered me into peaceful slumber.
Since that fateful day, Acolyte, I have made peace with Camel and like the harried parent of teens everywhere, hauling boxes of pizzas, face cream, and waiting in an icy parking out outside a burger joint, turned over the keys. Not defeat, accommodation. An so, Dear Acolyte, you have learned the first lesson of the Church of the Blue Moon. Bless you!